How Therapists Can Really Help Kids Who Are Being Bullied

Oct 24, 2022

How Therapists Can Really Help Kids Who Are Being Bullied

Curt and Katie chat about how therapists can support the targets of bullying. We explore what bullying actually is as well as what can be problematic in how it is typically addressed. We also discuss individual therapy strategies for kids who have been bullied. Curt and Katie also debate about whether the targets of bullying should change what makes them different to avoid getting bullied.

Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com!

In this podcast episode we talk about how therapists can effectively treat bullying in therapy

For Bullying Prevention month, we decided to dig into what bullying actually is and how therapists can treat bullying in therapy.

What is bullying actually?

The definition of bullying and how it is described currently (i.e., teasing versus bullying)
Target and aggressor (versus victim and bully) as more appropriate language to describe participants
Three essential elements of bullying: ongoing behavior, behavior is intended to be harmful, and there is a power differential between the aggressor and the target
The relevance of impact versus intention of behavior
Numerous types of power imbalances that can be present
Types: physical, verbal, social or covert, cyber bullying

What is problematic in how bullying is typically addressed?

“Aggressors have a more robust set of social skills. And it's being able to adapt more quickly to things that are socially changing, even in the moment. This also plays a role in the reporting on the people teasing them because the more socially adept kids are then better able to convince the adults around them. Oh, no, we were just playing. We were teasing back and forth.” – Curt Widhalm, LMFT

Most bullying is not observed by adults
Not moving past holding space
Looking toward community interventions rather than individual
Lack of understanding of what cyber bullying actually looks like (when you haven’t grown up as a digital native)
Aggressors have a more robust set of social skills

Strategies for kids who have been bullied

“I think we also need to recognize that if we go too far in telling people not to be different, we are invalidating their identity. And if we don't go far enough, and we don't help them to be part of society, they may continue to get really harshly bullied, but either one is damaging.” – Katie Vernoy, LMFT

Beyond ignoring (especially if there is an audience)
Understanding what the target’s response means to the aggressor
Not playing into what the aggressor is doing, escalating to forceful “stop,” seeking out a trusted adult (or multiple adults)
Debate on whether a target should shift their behavior and change what makes them different
Building confidence versus masking
Safety now versus identity development
Practicing responses to potential bullying statements in session
Including targets in the planning process with adults
The challenges with mediation within school settings (and the importance of follow up)
Systemic or prevention programs that also address bystanders

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Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode:

We’ve pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance!

Article: Parent-Assisted Social Skills Training to Improve Friendships in Teens with Autism Spectrum Disorders

Article: The 411 on Bullying

Relevant Episodes of MTSG Podcast:

Risk Factors for Suicide: What therapists should know when treating teens and adults

The Practicalities of Gender Affirming Care for Trans Youth: An interview with Jordan Held, LCSW

Working with Trans Clients: Trans resilience and gender euphoria – An interview with Beck Gee-Cohen

Neurodivergence: An interview with Dr. Joel Schwartz

Who we are:

Curt Widhalm, LMFT

Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making "dad jokes" and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: www.curtwidhalm.com

Katie Vernoy, LMFT

Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also a former President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt's youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: www.katievernoy.com

A Quick Note:

Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it.

Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.