Why Men Don’t Stay in Therapy

Nov 7, 2022

Why Men Don’t Stay in Therapy

Curt and Katie chat about men’s mental health. We look at why men typically go to therapy, their experiences while in therapy, what therapists get wrong when working with men, and how therapists better support the needs of men seeking mental health treatment.

Transcripts for this episode will be available at mtsgpodcast.com!

In this podcast episode we talk about men seeking therapy

For Men’s Health Awareness month, we want to explore men seeking mental health services.

Why do men typically go to therapy?

Others telling men to go to therapy
Career or relationship issues
Depression, which looks like irritability and hostility (externalized behaviors)

What is the experience of men in therapy?

“Some of this research [on men accessing mental healthcare] shows that while men are increasing in the numbers presenting for mental health treatment, they tend to drop out earlier than women and they tend to drop out at a lot faster rate than women. So that to me says that we as a field are doing something wrong, that we are not able to meet the needs of men. All of that great advice out of ‘hey, go and seek mental health treatment,’ is falling on people who are trying it out and finding bad experiences with it. “– Curt Widhalm, LMFT

Therapy seems to try to get men to emote like women
Invalidating masculine presentations and behaviors
Equating masculinity with toxic masculinity
Not feeling safe to express emotions beyond confidence, neutrality, or anger

How can therapists better serve men seeking therapy?

Understanding and honoring a range of masculinities (even within the same client)
Helping men to broaden their range of emotional expression
Problem-solving, solution-focused can be helpful for men who want to have a clearly defined goal to work toward
Collaboratively creating treatment goals
Identity work that supports self-definition of masculinity

What can therapists get wrong when working with men in therapy?

“There is such a broad array of understandings at this point of what masculinity and what ‘real men do’ that I think we need to be aware that whether it's traditional gender roles, or more current… there's some need for an understanding of where your client sits.” – Katie Vernoy, LMFT

Framing masculinity and toxic masculinity solely as “bad”
Not digging more deeply into individual development around masculinity
Taking offense at their client’s gender identity or ignoring their own bias around “traditional gender roles”
How therapists characterize men’s presenting problems (assigning blame, like depression being seen as anger or hostility, men being described as violent rather than traumatized)

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Resources for Modern Therapists mentioned in this Podcast Episode:

We’ve pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance!

Men’s mental health: Spaces and places that work for men

Why it’s time to focus on masculinity in mental health training and clinical practice

Men’s Dropout From Mental Health Services: Results From a Survey of Australian Men Across the Life Span

Improving Mental Health Service Utilization Among Men: A Systematic Review and Synthesis of Behavior Change Techniques Within Interventions Targeting Help-Seeking

Relevant Episodes of MTSG Podcast:

On the APA Guidelines for Boys and Men

Antiracist Practices in the Room: An interview with Dr. Allen Lipscomb

Therapy for Executives and Emerging Leaders

What to Know When Providing Therapy for Elite Athletes

Speaking up for Mental Health Awareness: An interview with Metta World Peace

When is it Discrimination?

Who we are:

Curt Widhalm, LMFT

Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making "dad jokes" and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: www.curtwidhalm.com

Katie Vernoy, LMFT

Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also a former President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt's youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: www.katievernoy.com

A Quick Note:

Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it.

Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.